Lately Dustin and I talk about things in relation to where we were 6 months ago. A lot has changed in the last 6 months. A lot. We moved, Dustin started a new job, we moved again and we’ve realized dreams… more than once. 6 months ago we couldnt have imagined where we would be today, what we would be doing right now, that we could get here so quickly. Or maybe… the truth is, I couldn’t have. I’m pretty sure Dustin could have, that he did and that that is why we are here now. For me, the last 6 months have been a lesson in trust, in believing and in determination. A lesson I am still, stubbornly, trying to learn.
But that’s not what I want to talk about today. What I want to talk about today is that day 6 months ago. August 12. And why its that day that we measure from.
It was a Wednesday and it didn’t start out well. We were living at my parents house and I was up early getting ready for work and was very emotional. If you asked him Dustin would tell you that this is not unusual and yet it was in its intensity. There was small chance I could be pregnant, a tiny one… minuscule if you asked me. I was a couple days late but given my age and my birth control status I didn’t think it was at all likely. I chalked my emotion up to PMS but couldnt let go of the ‘what if’s’ and the ‘whens’. So I woke up Dustin and cried to him for an hour about what we would do, just in case. After that I was so late for work that I just called in sick.
I decided to take a pregnancy test. I drove to CVS with the feeling that I was definitely wasting my time and money but knowing that a negative result would at least allow me to move on I went anyway. 15 minutes later I watched as that 2nd blue line appeared, nice and dark, almost immediately.
When I showed Dustin he asked “Are you telling me we’re having a baby?”
I just nodded.
He put his arms around me and hugged me and he stayed like for a long time. He didn’t say anything. He didn’t need to. I knew how he felt. He was happy, excited, confident and ready.
I was nervous, unsure and disbelieving. But standing there with him I started to feel better. I still didn’t know exactly what we were going to do or how we were going to to do it but I knew that somehow we would work it out together.
And we did.
We have 3 more months before we get to meet this little one and we can’t wait.
When I was single a lot of my vacation time was spent in Utah, visiting family. It seemed like there was always a reason to go, weddings, babies, holidays….so many reasons. I love Utah and I loved going there. The mountains are beautiful and easy to get to, the air is dry, the 4th of July celebration is amazing and there are some really great places to eat.
I haven’t been to Utah in almost 3 years.
Its not that I love Utah any less, its just that I got married and now there is even more family to go visit. Dustin and I are busy with school and work and don’t take a lot of time for vacation. When we do go somewhere it tends to be to visit (whom we don’t see very often) in northern California.
Before meeting Dustin the furthest north I had been in California was to San Fransisco. He quickly changed that by taking me to Redding, Red Bluff and Sacramento, on what was our first road trip together. Then the second half of our honeymoon was spent driving up the California Coast to Monterrey, Big Sur, San Francisco and Sacramento to celebrate with his family. Then there was the time we went back to Red Bluff and then again to San Francisco to a Web 2.0 conference. See… we cant just go one place, we always end up all over.
On Sunday we leave for another trip to the northern part of the state. This time we’ll see Fallon (NV), Burney Falls in Burney, Red Bluff, Davis, Auburn, Santa Clara and Santa Cruz.
We have 7 days. The longest time we are spending in any one place is 2 nights.
and, oooh, I need those. But I am bad at ordering things online
so before I get sucked in to etsy and all the beautiful things there I go back to my google reader and find a new post by The Pioneer Woman which naturaly leads me to her website
where I am quickly, er… eventually drawn to her posts about how she met and fell in love with her husband
which reminds me of how I met and fell in love with my husband
which brings me back to wordpress with new ideas for blog posts including many many nights at Disneyland
but with too many ideas to choose from I decide to go back to the email I still need to finish but am distracted
by a different email
AND … here I am, with a lot of things started and nothing finished…
Last July, shortly after I decided I needed some new hobbies and a little longer after we purchased our new camera, I went to Sunset Beach to try my hand at photography. I love the new camera, though I have to admit I know almost nothing about it other than its gadgety and… its pretty. I’ve never been very comfortable with a camera and Id really like to change that, even if it means feeling awkward and self conscious for a while.
What I can tell you is that I took this picture with our new Canon XSi. What I can’t tell you is what lens I used or any other specifics. I’m particularly proud of this picture even though Im still learning about exposure, speed, lenses and everything else.
I stayed home from work today because I was sick. I slept in and all the extra rest went a long way in helping me feel better so around noon I was in this room:
documenting it for posterities sake. After all, we spend most of our time there. I was in the middle of taking the pictures when I thought I heard my mom yell from the kitchen. She was in there making a large batch of soup and the tone of her voice sounded urgent or scared. She said a couple more things but our door was shut so I couldn’t really hear her. I set down the camera as I started to get a little worried. It sounded like she needed help. My mind started racing with all the possible reasons she might need help… she had cut herself, she had spilled the boiling soup on herself, she had fallen and hurt herself, or so many other things. I was nervous already and then when I opened the door and could finally hear what she was saying she said “hurry, hurry, hurry…”
My heart leapt into my throat as I imagined her in the kitchen, injured, yelling for me to hurry once she finally heard the door opening. Then as I turned out of our room and into the front room I happened to glance out the front window where I saw ….
Payton, my 4 year old neice, running up to the door. Mom didn’t need my help, she had been talking to Payton the whole time. I stopped there, to catch my breath, once I realized what was really going on. And then I watched mom walk out the front door and close it behind her. She hadn’t even seen me.
I may have an overactive imagination.
Here are some of the other pics I took… after I stopped shaking.
I posted that first post about hobbies and haven’t posted since, obviously. But, its a new year and while I’m not one to make New Years resolutions, I have finally started some projects and hope to be blogging about them more often.
I am nothing if not stubborn. I try to hide it but there it is. If you know me you probably will agree so admitting it shouldn’t be that hard. What will be harder is admitting that I was wrong. I was wrong about something that I wanted, for a very long time, to be right about.
When I was single and met new people on a strictly social basis more often the ‘getting to know you’ question that I hated the most was … “What are you passionate about?” It didn’t matter how you asked it, maybe you asked what my ‘thing’ was or what my hobbies were, I was still annoyed. I couldn’t escape it either. It seemed I surrounded myself by people who were passionate about being passionate. The problem was I didn’t have an answer. I didn’t have a ‘thing’ and I held firmly to the opinion that I didn’t need one.
I met someone who made me feel ok about this and I married him. What I later realized is that he, my wonderful husband also has more hobbies than anyone I’ve ever met. He loves hobbies. He is passionate about being passionate about everything. He’s a computer programmer because he loves computers. He loves airplanes and cooking and physics and photography and who knows what he will pick up next. But this blog is not about him. Instead its about me, and us, and how it took a year but he has finally convinced me that he is right. They were right.
I was wrong.
I pushed against it for a long time but Im here to admit that I want a hobby. I need a hobby. I have free time and I want to get excited about the things I can do with that time. I want to start something new, learn about it and then be good at it.
